Don’t Get Mad - Get Better!

Michael Jordan, Age 8

Tonight, I learned something so amazing, and so powerful that I will never forget it.

There was an 8-year-old girl who faced some adversities – well, many of them.  The easiest of which was the fact that she was smart and quick-witted – and therefore bored in school.  So, she fidgeted, moved around, and always wanted to chit-chat with her friends.  This happened when she finished her work before everyone else, especially.  Her teacher sought to occupy her time – and to do so, she would make the little girl write repeatedly, I will sit still in class.  Or I will not talk in class.  She had to write this hundreds of times, if not thousands, over the school year.  The negativity impacted how she saw herself, mentally and physically, too.

Then, one sunny day, the 8-year-old was playing in front of her house in her not-so-great neighborhood when she noticed a woman who looked out of place.  She observed her clothes – so elegant.  She could see her muscles and a cool, confident stride.  As the older woman walked by the little girl, she stopped, reached into her handbag, and pulled out an envelope.  The envelope had the little girl’s name on it.  She handed it to her and said, “Oh, this is for you,” with a smile.  The little girl took the envelope, and the majestic figure that handed it to her moved on.  She stopped at one point, turned to the little girl, and winked.

The 8-year-old opened the letter, and here is what it said:

When they tell us to write that we won’t talk in class, write, “I will climb to the top of a mountain and yell” instead.

When they tell us to write, I sit still in class write, “I will go where I want to in my life” instead.

When they tell us no more dancing, twirl your way to your destination.

You are Amazing and You are Loved.

She gave the letter to her younger self - and confidently walked away

Regular readers know that my son Luca is 12 years old.  Like any Dad, I have hopes and dreams for my son.  Please don’t think that because I am a Superintendent of Schools, these hopes and dreams have anything to do with his grades or athletic performance. I know parents who are hell-bent on their kids getting high marks and have lofty – sometimes unrealistic visions of their children’s athletic abilities.  I was once the step-father of an eight-year-old destined to play soccer in the Olympics, and the key to getting there was her acceptance into the local elite soccer program.  Keep it real.  Excellent grades, playing on teams, and competition are great for kids.  Even if Harvard University or the New England Revolution aren’t knocking, big-time life lessons are learned in school and sports.

I remember a meeting that I had to have with the mother and father of a student who did not make a baseball team.  They came in with a box of trophies, ribbons, and certificates going back to T-Ball, and so many times meeting with parents over an A- which should have been an A+, too.  It’ll be painful if Luca doesn’t make a team or if he gets a crappy grade.  And I hope he will learn from both – should they come to pass.  What is it I want him to learn, though? What do I think is most important?  It is Resilience!

Same kid from above, different year

I believe resilience is a better measuring stick for potential success than any grade or athletic achievement.   Resilience is a measure of one’s ability to overcome obstacles, be put in stressful, sometimes crises, and be able to return to the norm quickly and then keep moving forward.  Resilience is what makes us try harder at something challenging.  Comic Steve Martin’s resilience helped him make it in the very tough comedy industry, providing us with the amazing quote, “Be so good they cannot ignore you.”  Michael Jordan didn’t make his high school basketball team at some point.  Good thing he didn’t give up after that.