Is the Man in the Mirror Better or Worse than the Acutal Man?
Mirror Mirror on the Wall: What Can I Do Better Next Time?
Have you ever had a conversation go completely sideways? You know, you are just having a usual chit-chat, and the next thing you know, you are thinking…what just happened? This used to happen to me. I’d first try to clarify my point – thinking that saying what I wanted to say differently would make a difference – but it usually just made matters worse. Later, my internal voice would go back and forth, from defending myself to kicking myself. And…if only I did not say what I fully wanted to and intended to say – all would be peachy keenish. Depending upon who the conversation is with – there are just times that you must reach for the white towel and get out of the ring.
But there is a voice that haunts – usually at bedtime when all is quiet. Running the conversation back in our heads, we can think of what to say the next time to put a person at ease, put a person in their place, or put them into the stratosphere, mad. How do we get from innocuous to angry, though? And today, I was talking about this with a group of educators – as I asked how others perceive us. When we are communicating a message, how do our students perceive us?
I don’t have to be a fan of the singer to be a fan of the music. Without getting into the character questions that haunt us – the lyrics make total sense:
Only 151,000,000 hits on this one
I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could've been any clearer
If they wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself and then make a change
The art of self-reflection is often undervalued. Yet, it stands as a cornerstone for personal growth and development. There is significance in self-reflection and how it can be a transformative tool for adults and children. This is because there are actually methods to teach the younger generation the value of this reflective practice and how understanding others' perceptions of us can play a crucial role in our personal journey.
Self-reflection is more than just a moment of introspection; it's a journey into the depths of our thoughts, feelings, and actions. It’s a powerful tool for adults to reassess life goals, understand emotional responses, and make conscious decisions. In the littles, fostering self-reflection helps develop emotional intelligence, empathy, and critical thinking. It's a skill that guides them in understanding their actions and reactions, paving the way for mindful behaviors and positive decision-making.
When I was talking to one of my colleagues today, a question pertained to learning how our students perceive us. This pertains to the moment of a conversation and their overarching views of us. My response to this was that the easiest way to know what our students think of us is to ask them. Hopefully, we will like what they have to say – and if not – we will get the information we can work with for the future. On this topic, I wonder why this practice is so easy to do with kids – but so hard to do with adults. I need to think about that one for a bit.
To get our students to self-reflect, there are just two questions that we’d need to ask.
How did that make you feel – or – How do you think that made the other person feel?
What can you do differently the next time?
We have to recognize that our actions and words leave an imprint on those around us. Teaching children to consider how their behavior might affect others is essential in nurturing empathy and social awareness. In Therapeutic Crisis Intervention for Schools (TCIS), we actually teach our participants to get our students to role-play coping strategies – and role-playing and discussing different perspectives can be instrumental in their learning.
If we all worked on changing ourselves more, we might be less worried about changing everyone else.