Knowing what is available in meaningful support for students after school, on weekends, and over vacations is vital for school counselors and administrators these days.  Sometimes our kids get into things that they really need our support to get out of.  And a student’s relationship with one single adult can be all that it takes not just to improve learning and well-being but to actually save lives.

Tonio Bennett was a wrestling teammate of mine.  He was a little heavier than me, so we rarely tangled at practice. He was energetic and funny, quick-witted, and had quick feet.  He had a big smile and loved the art of ribbing – making fun of the obvious in others.    He had jewelry and lots of it.  And one of my most vivid memories is him asking Coach Decker to hold on to it for him before practices and meets.  Coach would put Tonio’s jewels and chains inside the med kit, and my friend Jeremy and I would go over to get a closer look at what was so valuable that it had to be looked after by Coach.  He dressed well and even had his own car.

And it was in that car that he was found on a June 1990 morning, just a couple of months before he was to graduate.  Shot by a single bullet in the back of his head, still wearing his jewelry – a telltale signal that this was no robbery.  He was only 18 years old.  To date, no one has ever been charged with this crime.

We’d heard about the shooting – but didn’t know it was Tonio who got shot.  School was out, Facebook didn’t exist, and we did not have cell phones yet.  Then I saw it in the paper, front page news.  I took the paper and went to the bathroom on the second floor of my parent’s house.  I shut the door and locked it.  I sat on the floor with my back against the tub, reading the article.  I recollect that in the story of his murder, the reporter was sure to write about some of the charges Tonio had lodged against him in the past…possession of a controlled substance.  I am unsure if they would write it that way today – but they did then.

Thirty-three years later and I still think about it – but in a totally different way now.  I only have one yearbook – from my senior year.  He was supposed to graduate the year before me, and I can’t find my wrestling photos – so my only memories of him are in my head.  And although the story of his murder can be found in the Buffalo News online, I can’t even find his obituary without paying for it.  And, there is no need for that – because I already know what it says.

So, on March 29, 2023, I will host a mental health summit at Blissful Meadows in Uxbridge, MA.  I’ve held these since my time in the Everett Public Schools, going back about a decade.  The purpose of this event is for our leaders and counselors to become acquainted with all of those who provide services for students and families outside of our schools and beyond the school day. 

Why do this?

Thinking back to what happened to Tonio and his senseless murder.  A kid who came to school and regularly participated in athletics had friends and, albeit via summer school, was going to graduate but was found dead in his car.  When he was eulogized 33 years ago, there was a call for somebody to do something to stop the senseless, raise awareness, and through coordinated efforts, systemize, and harmonize supports for kids. 

Tonio is just one of the so many reasons why.